I'm fighting the urge to run away, to stop the scene, mid-sentence and just dash. They're everywhere, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my best-friends, producers, casting directors, and Seth. Spotlight's on me, and They're all waiting for my cue. I can't breathe. Isn't this what I want?
"....Ella......what. are. you. doing?!" the guy opposite of me says under his breath, he quickly picks up my lack of expression. And just like that, the bright red curtain closes.
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND?" my director shouts as he runs his way to me.
"I-I-I.... lost it" is all I could muster...
"LOST WHAT? Dammit, Ella!"
"I don't know... the drive...the ambition... my passion..."
"So, you decided that after being cast as the lead role, during our premiere, and YOUR first public appearance, you just didn't want this? I-I-I can't with you. GO. Leave. Find yourself again. Just don't expect for this to be here, when you're suddenly ready to come back."
His words cut like a knife, I was left speechless. What is wrong with me? I was finally where I needed to be, and just turned my back on all of it. I'm mad, angry, confused, I can't do this. Is this what my life has come to?
Five days later, and my bags are all packed to go back home. I don't want to go, but every fiber in me is saying I need to. What will they say of me? "She failed", "After such a short time, and she's back to square one? pathetic" I hear every negative thought and it drowns me.
I look around, there's no one
I close my eyes, inhale deeply
exhale....
It isn't over. I hear suddenly.
and a faint gust of wind comes through the windowpane and brushes my cheeks
the ghost voice speaks again, You're not alone...
I burst into tears
I can't end This here
I have to fix it
I have to make this right
I have to make things right
I get on my feet, suitcases in both hands, look behind me one last time, and I'm out the door.
