Turning Tables

   First off, hello! I haven't posted in over a month, which means, my audience is more than likely at -5. I anticipated a bucket full of blog posts once I moved here to LA, but to my surprise, my laziness overshadowed my motivation. Don't worry, that is not the case anymore. I seem to be the type of person who feels one way one minute, and then becomes suddenly infused with inspiration, determination, and empowerment. My emotions, my attitude, my being -- they're overall fairly unsettling.... which makes me sound like I have some psychological disorder, but I don't (at least, I haven't taken the time to be diagnosed) ;-)

   No, all that aside..... I've made my move here sound extremely depressing. Which is far from its true stance. Los Angeles, me being nineteen, living on my own, working retail, doing background here-and-there, opening up myself to new experiences, it's all just different. "Different" meaning, filled with change: change that is both welcoming, and hard to accept. Yes, I'm struggling, yes, I miss my family, yes, I don't always get along with my roommates, yes I'm making mistakes, yes to many many truths people told me I'd be dealing with. BUT I'm proud of myself. I made by far one of the most important decisions of my life.... I stepped into this with blindfolds, I'm SO incredibly young, and I'm here. I continue growing and evolving and realizing how REAL life is. That sounds silly to say, but it's just that.... life is real.... everything that happens to us, it's all effecting our Plan. God hasn't abandoned me, and I can't express how comforting that feeling is in a world that can make a person feel so alone at times. 

   I receive daily messages on Facebook from 'God Posts' and this is what read today:

"Fear won't get you where you want to go.It's not easy to head off into uncharted waters, but every journey starts with a first step. Fear will keep you from taking that first step, from untying the boat from the dock. Fear will also keep you from making new discoveries. Don't let fear keep you tied up, set sail and see what God has planned for you."

No matter how small signs appear to be, they always somehow play significance.

   There have been so many moments where I find myself clinging on to the old me, the me that just dreamt of being where I am now, the me that had all these beliefs and crazy sights, the me that just wanted and wanted but never knew what wanting could entail. I realize now, if I continue clinging to the old me, I'll eventually become stagnant. I'm so undeniably afraid of change.... my fears are wide, and they have kept me tied up. I've realized in just a few short moments that there's so much more to purpose and reason. My journey on earth extends far greater than my knowledge. I'm merely opening my eyes to what I'm supposed to be doing, to how I'm supposed to be living. No book can tell me how to do things or how to even react to them -- I must Be.....just be.