Falling in love, scares me. At least, the idea of falling in love does. You see, I've never really "fallen IN love" with someone, I mean... I've loved someone with every ounce of my being once.... but it couldn't have been that "first love" fairy-tale story, majority get to talk about. I fell alright, but I fell alone. I won't go into detail about that sad fest - but it scarred me. When a person falls in love, they are giving someone else the okay to do whatever it is they please to their heart. That person is, in a sense, taking their heart out of their chest, handing it to their "soul-mate" and saying, "Here.... have the best of me. I'm giving you this because I trust you will keep it safe forever" HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Falling in love literally means taking down all of those tower-high walls, and barbed wire fences. Vulnerability becomes your new best-friend, which means someone else can see you naked, emotionally and mentally. I am a hopeless romantic, so I am not at all against love. Contrary, love is by far the most important (force?) an individual can feel. Like how beautiful to have something that mirrors Noah's and Ally's relationship in Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook?! I DREAM ABOUT THAT KIND OF LOVE. But when it comes down to letting my guard down, and meeting new guys.... I freak out. Even guys I've known for a while, where feelings begin to manifest.. it's like a red light comes out from nowhere and I yield and turn strictly around. A natural defense mechanism? I wish I could somehow skip the whole, tug-a-war battle, so I could just bask in the beautifully manifested love-story.
It's just scary, you know?.... I can't imagine meeting someone I'd let in effortlessly. I know life isn't a Nicholas Sparks novel where things just happen -- but I kind of wish it was.
