"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." ~ Billy, age 4
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." ~ Terri, age 4
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." ~ Bobby, age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him home all day." ~ Mary Anne, age 4
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." ~ Jessica, age 8 (source)I think, far too often, teens and adults lose themselves in stress. People seem to forget the simplicity and importance of taking the time to acknowledge what matters - rather than, what doesn't. Life isn't easy, actually far from it. I empathize with those whom feel entirely alone, frustrated, afraid, uncertain, and hopeless. The person who appears the most perfect is actually not perfect at all. He or she may live with no stability, or may have a million insecurities, or has given up entirely. Things are never what they seem; "what happens behind closed doors, stay behind closed doors."
Take 5 minutes with me into my past, present, and future -
It's junior year of high school, and I pretty much have the best classes. My peer counseling teacher, Mrs. Parslow is so awesome. She asked our class today if any of us knew of a show called, "Glee" and I, of course shot my hand up with much excitement. Truth is, I was the Rachel Berry of Oak Hills High School (no one knew it yet, of course) but this was finally my year to make things right, and allow the star I always knew myself to be, to finally shine. People definitely became well-aware of my over-dramatic, "Clueless" attire, bubbly, out-spoken self in just a matter of months. I was on fire! I had my life completely together (for the most part) My dreams were the one thing I was absolutely certain about. "I want to be an actress. No one wants this as bad as me. This is my calling. I need to be an actress" are words I continuously chanted in my head. I still had 2 years to figure out how I was going to make that happen. I didn't have to worry about plans just yet, I had all the time in the world..... or so I thought. Life sure speeds up when you're on a roll. Juggling drama rehearsals, class-assignments, a new associate position at Aeropostale, and maintaining the title of co-president in my most cherished club was very overwhelming. You see, in high school, as long as I was always busy with something, I was fine. My energy levels were always on overdrive, and I had to be on the go 24/7. If I wasn't, my thoughts would get the best of me, and eat me alive. Looking back, I took much for granted. At the time, I was just being a procrastinator, believing all was just eventually going to fall into place and manifest on its own. But when is that ever the case? I would conjure up all of these grand ideas, projects, and plans...but never fully tackled them at my capability.Being 16, 17, wasn't even a day ago. I'm months from turning 19, and I am left wondering where the time has gone. Why didn't I try to get an A in all my classes? how did I let myself fail the AP tests? Did I make my teachers proud? What legacy did I leave behind?
I aspire to be a person who doesn't dive back into the past - but it's impossible when you're fighting ghosts. I look back and see a part of me who was once filled with so much optimism, light. and passion - and then a part of me who drifted, tripped over some bumps, grew impatient, would easily get angry, and someone who lost faith. The reason I bring all of this up is because, through-and-through, I find myself still fighting that ghostly part of me. We all have that one side to us, where we just wish it didn't exist at all. Many of the time, we lean to prayer and it's gone - sometimes, we're caught in the middle - and often, it becomes too much and wins. But I refuse to be that person who let's the shadows win.
We're not always in control of our fate, but we are in control of how we react to it.
For a while, I was so fixated on getting the "old me" back. The girl I was in my junior year of high school. I grew exhausted trying to win her back, because she was gone -- she is gone. Not until recent, I accepted that we in fact change. Change is so inevitable, and a part of this whole process of life. I've finally embraced that I am no school-girl, who relies on TV shows to make her dreams seem real, no. I am young women, who has the power within her to make her dreams real. It has taken me this long to finally acknowledge that. Once, we allow the energy of love, faith, and hope to win. . . life becomes a little less blurry.
Stay tuned for the next few chapters of, "Love, Inspiration, and a Little Sunshine."
