I want to take steps towards a new way of living. Rather.. I want to work on my attitude, and my reactions towards certain aspects of my life. I tend to be the person who bottles everything in - EVERYTHING. And we all know what becomes of a bottle when it is overfilled: it eventually explodes and leaves a mess. I am that overfilled bottle (well, I was for the past few weeks). I've exploded and have splattered my ocean of emotions onto the people in my life that matter most. You know, I am someone who is aware of everything; I know when I am being irrational, bratty, dramatic, imbalanced..... but sometimes, it takes someone other than myself to point it out to me. I am thankful that I have friends who aren't afraid to tell me how it is. People who genuinely care about you will let you know when you're being untrue to yourself. On an emotional scale, I am past 10. Truly. Look up an emotion-related-adjective, and I've felt it.
Life has been a roller-coaster for me. There are moments that happen in life that a person just can't control. No matter how weary, catastrophic, or burdening those moments are - they happen.... because well, what's life without a few hurdles? They suck, they bruise, they burn.... but eventually, they heal. That is something I need to start embracing. I may appear like the go-happy, inspirational girl... but truth of the matter is, I am only like that because I aspire to be like that. I genuinely wish that unicorn and rainbow life upon everyone, and more than anything for myself. But life is not unicorns and rainbows: it can be at moments, but it can also be cobwebs and tornados. I guess what I am trying to say, once I fully come to terms with that, take it all in a healthy manner, my roller-coaster won't be so bumpy and scary. I worry too much... I've always worried too much. There are soooo many innate personality traits I've been born into that I cannot change. But I will work to make them more positive and life-friendly.
I am a 19 year old girl who is very dramatic, can be a times possessive with friendships, has insecurity issues, cares too much, loves immensely, can be both selfless and selfish, will be outgoing one minute, and then quiet the next... I am made up of 30 different facets. That is who I've always been... I am stitched up with both the positive and negative qualities - and though I can't change the negative with the snap of a finger, I definitely want to turn on the lights on those qualities. I don't ever want to change who I am. I love me. But I understand that I can't keep on believing I am not worthy of obtaining my dreams, or wearing a bathing suit at the beach. I can't go on thinking the world is against me. I have to realize that sometimes no is no. I need to accept that crappy things happen, allow myself to react to them however I feel at the moment, but then move on. Also, the world doesn't revolve around me at all.... it's not a Me Me Me world. Which I know, but I can be entirely bratty when things don't go my way. I need to be more open towards the people in my life who actually care. I am not a bad person, I am not a bad friend, I am not a bad anything - but I've been wearing a dress that is slightly damaged, and it's time I slip into one that is not. :-)
I am a 19 year old girl who is very dramatic, can be a times possessive with friendships, has insecurity issues, cares too much, loves immensely, can be both selfless and selfish, will be outgoing one minute, and then quiet the next... I am made up of 30 different facets. That is who I've always been... I am stitched up with both the positive and negative qualities - and though I can't change the negative with the snap of a finger, I definitely want to turn on the lights on those qualities. I don't ever want to change who I am. I love me. But I understand that I can't keep on believing I am not worthy of obtaining my dreams, or wearing a bathing suit at the beach. I can't go on thinking the world is against me. I have to realize that sometimes no is no. I need to accept that crappy things happen, allow myself to react to them however I feel at the moment, but then move on. Also, the world doesn't revolve around me at all.... it's not a Me Me Me world. Which I know, but I can be entirely bratty when things don't go my way. I need to be more open towards the people in my life who actually care. I am not a bad person, I am not a bad friend, I am not a bad anything - but I've been wearing a dress that is slightly damaged, and it's time I slip into one that is not. :-)
Also, blogging is a form of therapy for me. So, for those who don't understand why someone decides to sit behind their computer screen to express themselves - this is why. I mean, obviously don't be the person to create a fiasco on Facebook and Twitter. But having something like this is super healthy and releasing. I find comfort in writing. Whether, I am writing diary entries like this, expressing myself through my metaphorical poetry, or sharing songs I relate to, it's comforting knowing I can convey what I am in-the-moment passionate about. Why I feel the need to even explain myself? because. just because..
