I look at these photos above and cringe. This is me; no flattering angles, no cover-ups, nothing to hide that I am, in fact, with a little extra to love. All my life, I've never particularly been the girl that other girls would use as the "ideal body" example. I was never skinny, even as a child. Not over-weight, but never like my friends around me. I guess, I always, and still categorize myself in the, 'the fat' friend section of friends. Which sounds so terrible. I don't hate the way I look - but I am not happy with it either. I am aware that I am a beautiful young lady; my weight does not define who I am. But lately, more than ever, it has been bothering my self-perception. I'm not going to lie and say that losing weight is solely to be healthier, no. I'm losing weight to feel better about my appearance as well. I've never felt like this body I have was mine. Inside, I feel like a super-model just waiting to be let out and have her moment to shine. There are so many clothes I want to wear, so many pool-parties I want to attend, so many Victoria's Secret bathing-suits I want to rock, but can't because I am confined by these walls of unnecessary fat.
As women, we should always, 110% embrace who we are and love ourselves unconditionally - regardless of appearance. It's important to be aware of your beauty and be absolutely confident about it. I know some gorgeous, plus-size women who are so irrevocably in love and content with how they look and I can't express how much I admire that. Curves are beautiful.
For me, especially since I want to be a Hollywood actress - I feel pressured to slim down and maintain a healthier diet. I don't want to have to be rejected from a certain role just because I didn't look the part. I want to be rejected from a certain role because my talent wasn't as strong as I believed it to be. That is why, a huge part of me is taking this new journey. I don't want any restrains because of my body. To me, it's even absurd that actresses are depicted as model-looking, goddesses... but I don't think society will ever stray from that. For the actresses that have been leading ladies and aren't stick skinny, like, Rebel Wilson, American Fererra, and Melissa McCarthy, I applaud. What inspirations... truly. To be able to break a chunk of Hollywood's mold is an amazing accomplishment.
My point of this all, is I am not ashamed of who I am and how I look - but I am not happy. And I believe, when we aren't happy with a specific aspect of our lives, then find a way to make it happy. I am doing this feel better mentally, look better physically, and just prove to myself that I can do this. Losing weight, not eating what you're so comforted by, and involving exercise to your everyday life is such an incredible challenge - but I am getting there, and I won't dare give up.
